It’s been over a week since I last posted – I’ve been a bit conflicted and confused about my visit to to Era Primoris with Jenna. I almost deleted what I wrote.
I realize my post about the massage was very descriptive and explicit. It was the only way I knew how to effectively describe what I was going through. I was almost as uncomfortable writing it as when it was actually happening.
As you can see, though, I’ve decided to leave it up. I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve been working with one of Jen’s (and my) good friends who is a therapist of sorts. Our nickname for her is “The Nurse” She is the one who encouraged me to start this blog in the first place.
I got together with The Nurse last night, and we had a long talk about why the visit to the spa was so difficult for me, why I wanted to take down the post, my relationship with Jen, everything. I feel so much better after talking to her.
She has known Jenna much longer than I have. They were roommates for two years in college, so she has seen the good and the bad Jenna. The two of them are thick as thieves, and Jen has told me some wild stories about her. They know each other inside and out.
The Nurse is convinced that my imagination clearly got the best of me during the massage. She said that she read the entry several times, and it was obvious that I was projecting my own level of arousal and desire on Jen. While she offered that she would maybe label Jen’s actions as “kinky”, that is as far as she would go. I had to recount to her (in explicit detail) everything I saw happening with Jen and everything that happened to me, from the beginning of the massage all the way through to the drive home. She seemed to enjoy making me squirm a little, asking me pointed questions about some of the more ‘intimate’ things I wrote about. But by the time we finished she was so certain of herself that I figure she must be right.
The best thing about the whole experience, according to The Nurse, is that posting about it on my blog really helps her to get insight into what is troubling me. Also (and this is clearly the case) the writing is a purge of sorts, letting me get things off my chest that I would normally sit around stewing about. She is encouraging me to continue posting in this vein, and suggested even more frequent posts, particularly regarding Jen and my relationship. She wants me to think of it as writing in a diary. She also would like to meet more frequently as well – she said she would clear it with Jenna.
So that’s it – expect more updates. Posting intimate details about my relationship with Jen is very difficult. The Nurse has convinced me, however, that in the long run it will make the relationship stronger. I'm going to try to be more uninhibited and give it my best shot.
